Rejection and insecurity
Sartre famously wrote the line ‘hell is other people’. “By the mere appearance of the Other,” says Sartre in Being and Nothingness, “I am put in the position of passing judgment on myself as on an object, for it is as an object that I appear to the Other.”
The creation of a self gives birth to an other. The experience we all share of being captive in a subjective perspective means we are alone together.
When insecurity and rejection is felt, we feel lonely, but the irony is we all feel insecurity and rejection together because we are all experiencing the dream of separation from Love. The perceived existential experience of others carries with it the potential for connection and love, and often we experience surrendering into communion with community. We also experience the opposite, that of misunderstanding, shame, insecurity and rejection. The irony of living as the mind identity is that the mind is ashamed of shame. The mind is insecure about the feeling of insecurity. The mind identity deeply rejects itself. The Attention that gives us all context has no requirements for beingness. There is truthfully no real hierarchy of living beings. This concept of hierarchy is something we created and in forgetting we created it live its tyranny. All living beings form an interconnected wholeness. There are no parts, humans have created an abstract world and forgotten we created it. From the perspective of Wholeness we are totally accepted, Source has no concept of flaws and failure. This cannot be fully understood by our subjective mind identities, it is one of the reasons we call Source ineffable, that which cannot be known. The mind identity is outraged by the notion of all-acceptance, it’s very nature as a translator (and therefore creator) of experience is to describe. To describe is to show differences. There is no ‘other’ of course in Oneness. We spend most if not all of our time in the perception of ourselves as a singular entity, a mind object created and reinforced by itself. How can we understand oneness from the perspective of an operating system that needs contrast to form conclusions? In fact it’s actually laughable to even write about the topics I write about for this blog, to attempt to describe the indescribable. I’m using a finger pointing to the moon, only every time.
For this subjective identity that we share alone together, the sense of insecurity and rejection when it arises can be excruciating. The most popular tool for problem solving these feelings in our times has been the idea of building a healthy self esteem. This is the technique of giving the self, who has a fundamental sense of rejection of itself, the job of self acceptance. This is giving the job of self acceptance to the entity who believes in the existence of an ideal self. Its very sneaky, because self esteem looks a lot like real acceptance, but when really noticed it comes up as the desire to end suffering once and for all by that self who sees its own existence as the problem. When suffering arises it seems like an emergency, but it is really a process that can be trusted. Suffering is simply a message to turn our attention back to Attention. Suffering lets us know we are dreaming. Suffering is a love letter from Source with the words wake up! Suffering is like a finger snap: Attention! The experience of rejection highlights the truth of wholeness through demonstrating the pain of focusing on its opposite.
The idea of giving up striving for perfection is extremely threatening for the mind identity, as its very nature is insecure. Striving for perfection through a process of identifying and eliminating perceived personal flaws is unnecessary. Wholeness is a living dynamically creative pattern that includes you as you are Now. All life is interconnected and moves as one pattern. The oxygen we breath passes through all living beings on this planet. The water we drink is One water. All life is given power by the same sun. In this mad pursuit to end the suffering of the self humans have forgotten their place in the great ecology. The good news is we ARE ecology. We are the earth, We are oxygen , we are the water, we are the sun, we are the patterns and cycles of life. When we believe in ourselves as a separate entity, we fall into the suffering state of worthlessness. This sense of worthlessness gives us the mission to prove ourselves worthy, human industries profit mightily from this very pursuit. Human social ideologies are constructed to deem some worthy and others worthless. For a human the sense of rejection that stems from the made up story of worthlessness can be deadly. We lose individuals daily across the earth who end their lives in the belief in this idea of worthlessness. What if every part of existence has its intrinsic role to play? What if our notions of hierarchy and value were power games we forgot we made up? To experience others from the perspective of a solitary subjective identity can be hell, so what surrenders us into togetherness? It’s the understanding that our brains are built to discriminate, but that this function is a useful tool rather than a universal truth. We forget ourselves into Oneness by accident regularly enough to feel connection to others. What if we are also equipped to forget ourselves into togetherness consciously?